Chrissy Teigen attends the 2022 Vanity Fair Oscar Party hosted by Radhika Jones at Wallis Annenberg Center for the Performing Arts on March 27, 2022 in Beverly Hills, California.

Chrissy Teigen got candid about the loss of her unborn baby Jack at 20 weeks into her pregnancy in 2020. On Thursday (September 15), Teigen revealed what she and husband John Legend said at the time was a “pregnancy loss” was really an abortion to “save my life.”

Speaking at “A Day of Unreasonable Conversation” summit in Beverly Hills, Teigen, 36, told the crowd, “Two years ago, when I was pregnant with Jack, I had to make a lot of difficult and heartbreaking decisions. It became very clear around halfway through that he would not survive, and that I wouldn’t either without any medical intervention.”

“Let’s just call it what it was: it was an abortion,” she continued. “An abortion to save my life for a baby that had absolutely no chance. And to be honest, I never, ever put that together until, actually, a few months ago.”

Taking to Twitter today to reiterate, Teigen wrote, “I told you all we had a miscarriage because I thought that was what it was. But it was an abortion, and we were heartbroken and grateful all at once. It just took me over a year to realize it.”

Teigen shared a heartbreaking post to Instagram in September 2020: “We are shocked and in the kind of deep pain you only hear about, the kind of pain we’ve never felt before. We were never able to stop the bleeding and give our baby the fluids he needed, despite bags and bags of blood transfusions. It just wasn’t enough.”

Teigen is currently pregnant and she and Legend share a daughter Luna, 6 and a son Miles, 4. She said she never considered the “pregnancy loss” an abortion until a few months ago when she and Legend were discussing the overturning of Roe v. Wade. “I fell silent, feeling weird that I hadn’t made sense of it that way,” she said after explaining that when she was sympathizing with women who get abortions, he reminded her she was one of “them.”

She continued, “I told the world we had a miscarriage, the world agreed we had a miscarriage, all the headlines said it was a miscarriage. And I became really frustrated that I didn’t, in the first place, say what it was, and I felt silly that it had taken me over a year to actually understand that we had had an abortion.”

On Wednesday, Teigen spoke to People about her optimism about her new pregnancy despite her past loss. “I think that miracles are just always happening, and there are so many ways to make them happen,” while admitting “it still hurts.” She added how pregnancies can look effortless on social media: “It was always important to me to share the other side of the story for people. And it’s just really nice to have people come up and appreciate it and to be able to be that story of hope for them.”

Teigen announced her current pregnancy in early August, writing on Instagram, “The last few years have been a blur of emotions to say the least, but joy has filled our home and hearts again,” her caption began. “1 billion shots later (in the leg lately, as u can see!) we have another on the way. Every appointment I’ve said to myself, ‘ok if it’s healthy today I’ll announce’ but then I breathe a sigh of relief to hear a heartbeat and decide I’m just too nervous still. I don’t think I’ll ever walk out of an appointment with more excitement than nerves but so far, everything is perfect and beautiful and I’m feeling hopeful and amazing. Ok phew it’s been very hard keeping this in for so long!”

Teigen and Legend celebrated their 9-year anniversary this week with a romantic music video. In response, Teigen captioned the post, “I could say the same about you. Happy anniversary to my absolute best friend and lover and partner in life. Thank you for being with me through all my mistakes, my ups and downs, my heartaches, for growing with me, for raising babies with me who are my proudest gifts. We have created the most wonderful life together and all I want to do for the rest of my life is watch you make the world better, feed people, bring people joy, make more babies and kiss on your old and gray face one day.”

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